90 Of the Funniest Facebook Statuses to Have On Your Profile (Check Out No. 42)

There is hardly anyone in the modern world who hasn’t heard of Facebook. It is the biggest social media platform on the planet. Recently, Facebook status was introduced and it has become one of the major attractions to the platform.

Funny Facebook status is one of the best ways to attract followership on the platform. We will go through a few in this post.

Funniest Facebook Statuses

What are Facebook statuses?

As we stated earlier, Facebook recently added a new feature to its app. The feature is known as Facebook status and it is very similar to Instagram or Whatsapp status. Facebook status is not difficult to understand, it just helps you tell the rest of the world how you feel.

You could also use this as a means of publishing different kinds of information. Wondering how to add a new status update? It is quite easy. Simply click on the dialog box that is labeled “what’s on your mind?” This should present you a few options, select status, add your message and click “post.”

What things can occupy your Facebook status?

It is your status so there is no hard and fast rule to this. Whatever you decide to place there is up to you. There is just a bit of simple advice, you would rather go for a funny status than an offensive one. We have some suggestions as to what you can have occupying your status.

Text. This is the easiest thing to use and the safest for several reasons, which is why they are most frequently used. Up until now, Facebook allowed just 420 letters which was quite small. The latest upgrade allows you to make use of a total of 63,206 letters. Most people end up never using up space. When you use this, be smart so you don’t put up what would offend others or get you in trouble.

Videos and Photos. These are becoming more popular these days and it is obvious why, people are more inclined to graphics these days. When using any of these for your status, you have to click on the box. Select the video or photo you want to use and add some text if you please. After this, upload the photo or video.

Before now, you could only upload 400 photos to one album, that number has skyrocketed to 1,000. Now you have the luxury to use more than one photo or video for a post. The feature works for both the mobile and desktop variations of the app. Quite a number of people see the app as a way to store their important memories, more like the cloud.

Links. One way to add some versatility to your status is by adding a link. This link could take the viewer to a landing page or registration site. In some cases, pictures from the page may be added automatically by Facebook. If you feel the photo is really important, you may want to add it to the post yourself. This way you are sure everyone else is going to see it.

Privacy setting. This feature is added to Facebook status updates so you can determine who views your updates. You can decide to make the post public or visible to just your friends. Whatever setting you choose, when next you post, you will be allowed to decide on the setting again. One thing we all have to recognize is that on the internet, there is really no privacy. This is why you must be careful about what you put out there.

Places and locations. This feature makes it possible for viewers of your status updates to know where you are posting from. These days, with our mobile devices, it is easy to put up your location. Facebook works with your mobile phone’s map to find where you are posting from. If you are using the desktop app, you can simply click the map set beside the status update box. This will help add your location with ease.

Post scheduling. This feature ensures that you can decide when your post will be uploaded and revealed to viewers. It is all about timing. You can either backdate the post or set the time it will come up in the nearest future. To achieve this, you need to add the date (day, month, and year) and time (hour and minute). Facebook will work with these to upload your status update and make it public.

Funny Facebook statuses

We already know what a Facebook status is, however, the word “funny” makes the difference. Funny is a word which refers to anything that arouses laughter, something amusing or comical.

Bringing it to bear on Facebook statuses, it means statuses that arouse laughter. When you post this kind of status, a lot of your friends are going have fun reading through. It can be a bit difficult if you are not comical by nature. To help you, we have put together a few questions to try out on your Facebook account.

Without further waste of time, let’s read through the examples.

  1. When you try to argue with an idiot, he pulls you to his level then usurps you with his experience.
  2. Prayed to God to bless me with a bike. After waiting for a minute, I went on to steal one from the mall. Obviously, it wasn’t God’s blessing so I sought penance.
  3. Who’s gotten the right number of ears yet never hears? Grandma.
  4. Imagine the world we live in today. You place a call to 911 and then to a pizza shop. Be sure that your pizza will arrive first, the police second.
  5. It will be folly to assume that because you attend church, you’re a Christian. After all, a person cannot be a car just because he works in a garage.
  6. Women fake orgasms, just the way men fake relationships.
  7. A fool is considered wise until he speaks a few words. That shouldn’t be shocking, light always precedes sound.
  8. I hardly think of hurting you, but I think of it anyway.
  9. If I agree with you on a matter, it implies we both lost.
  10. Do we really grow up? I guess we all juts develop the ability of self-control in public, in our minds we all are children.
  11. Hungry and horny are two emotions common to every man. If you see a man not erect, he is probably hungry.
  12. Here’s a little secret about wars. They aren’t about who’s right all the time, it could be about who’s left.
  13. Politicians share a certain characteristic with diapers, they stink. This is why they should be changed frequently.
  14. Having sex and playing bridge is one and the same in several respects. You know your partner is bad when your hand is good.
  15. Mum called me a son of a bitch all the time, if only she understood what it meant.
  16. Research and plagiarism are sons of the same mother, theft. The difference is that the former is stolen from a number of people and the latter, from a single person.
  17. It is better for a fool to remain silent, he would likely be perceived as wise.
  18. Do you wonder if no one would miss you? Try missing a few payments.
  19. One thing is really confusing. A single match would start a fire that consumes the forest, yet a whole box won’t suffice for a campfire.
  20. All some people are good for, like slinkies, is making us laugh at their barrel roll down the stairs.
  21. Have ever thought about it that all your life’s work was for a paycheck, not the job?
  22. Aren’t dolphins so smart? What they achieve within a week of coming into the life of a man is incredible. They would have trained him to throw them fish from the poolside with accuracy.
  23. I would never write my mom’s name in a form when filling the gap for an emergency contact. What’s the use of having a doctor?
  24. Banks only lend money to those who don’t need it.
  25. I know you’re not to blame, but it is your fault.
  26. Sleeping pills and laxatives don’t go well together. They are simply a disaster waiting to happen.
  27. When you see a lady wearing a sweatshirt with the inscription “GUESS” you should answer “IMPLANTS.”
  28. How do you know a piece of furniture lies in your path when it is dark? Use your shinbone.
  29. It thought that since the computer whooped me in chess, it could match my kickboxing skills. I was wrong.
  30. One thing about people baffles me. They find it easier to believe when you say 4 billion stars exist than the wetness of paint. They would still check to see if it is really wet.
  31. How do you know you are in trouble? When your mom calls you by your middle name.
  32. Every girl is good until she is caught.
  33. Life is an irony. Just 2 people run for the office of the American president and 50 for the national beauty pageant.
  34. Did you notice that midgets perceive crowded elevators differently?
  35. I keep wondering if this voice in my head is real. It just keeps suggesting great ideas to me.
  36. I wonder if this is true. Someone once said you’ll only have a clear conscience if you have a short memory.
  37. A battle between natural stupidity and artificial intelligence is always won by the former. It’s standard practice.
  38. Why would you start a fight with an ugly person? They have nothing at stake.
  39. It is not the fall that kills a man, the abrupt stop in the end does.
  40. If you want to borrow money with the hope of not repaying, best to borrow from a pessimist. He is wired to believe you won’t pay.
  41. Smiling in the face of crises makes it easy to find who to blame.
  42. Men are not born to be bound so it’s your fault if you decide to get married.
  43. Do we really need to keep trying to control guns? What we should be doing is controlling the idiots that wield them.
  44. It is better to make love than to make war. If you feel you can handle both, get married.
  45. Whether my opinion changes or not, it doesn’t stop me from being right.
  46. We all know that money can’t purchase happiness, however, it can purchase convenience.
  47. It is best to mumble when you are short of words.
  48. Women might not be strong enough to hit hard but they are subtle enough to hit low.
  49. Worrying is quite profitable, 90% of the time, your worries never materialize.
  50. Here’s something you should never forget. We would have fallen off the earth if it didn’t suck.
  51. Two things are constant in life. While some folks bring happiness when they enter a room, others leave it behind when they leave.
  52. The reality of love is that your only real love is God. Human beings find each other unlovable at some points in their existence.
  53. I’ve got curves, at least round is made of curves.
  54. I don’t think it is wise to trust anything that bleeds non-stop for 5 days and survives.
  55. Work is so fascinating to me, I get to stare at it from dawn to dusk.
  56. Even though I have seen and done so much, yet I remember very little.
  57. Want to knock a man off? Hit him with your baseball bat, not your glasses.
  58. Whether you eat right, exercise right, or both, death is imminent someday.
  59. We never get too old to learn stupid things.
  60. Never forget that water is used by the fire department to quench fire. Fire for fire isn’t the right combination.
  61. Did Noah have to take 2 mosquitoes into the ark?
  62. A pig will be able to fly if it gets the perfect thrust.
  63. It is very easy to hit the target. Simply shoot first and whatever object you hit becomes your target.
  64. You don’t always need a bargain, but the prices are always irresistible.
  65. You thought your TV was smarter than you? Checkout your computer.
  66. I wonder why they keep scores if they aren’t bothered about who wins.
  67. Soap bubbles and virginity have something in common, a single prick ends their existence.
  68. If you are not used to hitting your goal at the first try, never try to skydive.
  69. Men are so polite. They’ll rather cast their gaze on your body parts covered by your bikini, leaving out the remaining 90%.
  70. I avoid the meet because I’m a societal vegetarian.
  71. I’m never going to tell you the story once I sulk about how long it is.
  72. I am mean even though you think of me as funny. No wonder most people consider my actions as petty jokes.
  73. I can’t continue this distant relationship with my fridge. I think I would just move in peacefully.
  74. I’d rather stand outside so if anyone asks, simply tell them “I’m outstanding.”
  75. It is amazing how the worst ideas can birth the best memories.
  76. My relationship with sleep is really fruitful, I get some each night and sometimes I’m lucky by day.
  77. You should find out about my qualities from my therapist, even though he refers to them as symptoms.
  78. I think I’d just get so drunk tonight, someone is going to need to inherit me as their problem.
  79. The irony of life, it is never real if it is perfect and it won’t be perfect if it’s real.
  80. No cop likes it when you wave your hands when they tell you to put your hands in the air. They feel you are being nonchalant.
  81. Since you had an unforgettable entry, we look forward to your exit.
  82. I wish I was like my wife, she always has someone to blame for everything.
  83. If only we had mute buttons for ladies, edit buttons for guys, and fast-forward buttons for bad times. Then life would be completely amazing.
  84. I act really nice until you seek my trouble.
  85. Whoever coined the phrase “common sense?” He probably didn’t do a proper survey.
  86. When to vegetarians are at loggerheads, do you still call it a beef?
  87. It is really easy for vegetarians to hunt their food, sneaking in on plants isn’t rocket science.
  88. So we know tequila solves no problem but a shot doesn’t hurt one bit.
  89. Phone chargers are better accessories in waiting rooms than magazines.
  90. I wonder what nonsense I’d get to see in my dreams tonight.

Funny Facebook Status Wrap Up

By now you must have gotten acquainted with Facebook status updates. You should also have understood how important funny Facebook status is and our list should have inspired you. They are really interesting and you can come up with yours. Share some of yours with us in the comments section.

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