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These two racy "race" discs will definitely put a rise in your jock sock and wet your whistle until the crack of dawn comes. But why take my word for it when you can get the dirt dished to you straight from three of perversion’s most primo practitioners? First up is black ’n’ bluestress Lucille Bogan, who’s probably spinning in her unmarked grave right now at the very thought of these private ribald studio outtakes now being an official part of her recorded catalogue on Sony Legacy. And who can blame her, given this brief excerpt from an alternate take of the title track which was recorded in 1935: "I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my thumb. I got something between my legs that’ll make a dead man cum. Now your nuts hang down like a damn bell clapper and your dick stands up like a steeple. Your goddamn asshole stands open like a church door and the crabs walk in like people." And you thought Iggy’s "Rich Bitch" on Metallic KO was poetry. But that’s nothing compared to the rich Shakespearean dialogue that was exchanged when R&B legends Jackie Wilson and LaVern Baker teamed up in 1966 to record this live-in-the-studio, full band, private outtake that’s actually introduced on the session tape as: "Think Twice, Version X." This particular version makes reference to band member Phil Mason, as well as Wilson’s mobster manager Nat Tarnopol, who got Jackie to renew his contract with Brunswick Records a year later by dangling him out of an open high rise window until he used his free hand to sign on the dotted line. LAVERN BAKER: (singing) I said you better think twice Jackie, before you call me a dirty whore. I’ve got news for you little boy: don’t fuck with me no more. So you better be nice. You better take my advice. Oh, you dirty bastard, think twice. JACKIE WILSON: (singing) Now wait a minute cloying bitch. I had just about enough of your shit. I’m gonna walk on out the door. Ain’t gonna kiss your ass no more. Bye bye whore. LAVERN: (spoken) Now listen to me, Honey. I give you all the reefer, all the cocaine, and you still fuckin’ up. You understand that? JACKIE: You’re always pulling up your dress all night: Look, Jackie. LAVERN: That’s alright, just lick it. You know how to do that, don’t you? JACKIE: I don’t want no more of your reefer . . . LAVERN: You know how to eat ice cream? JACKIE: …and your pussy . . . LAVERN: You eat ice cream? JACKIE: . . . and . . . No, not that kind. LAVERN: Chocolate? Chocolate? Just lick it. Alright? JACKIE: Yeah! LAVERN: Ohhhh yeah. (singing) Listen to me Jackie, before you jump up with your fleas. I’ve got news for you little boy. JACKIE: What’s that? LAVERN: There ain’t another cunt like me. So you better be nice. And keep your funky lice. You dirty bastard. Oh baby, think twice. JACKIE: I’ll tell the whole thing. LAVERN: What? JACKIE: I heard Nat Tarnopol say . . . LAVERN: What he say? JACKIE: Naboyan is a dirty bitch that way. She shakes her ass to the rear. LAVERN: And Phil is a queer. JACKIE: Phil Mason? LAVERN: He’s a stone queer from outta here. [session dissolves in laughter] NEXT MONTH: All about the Rolling Stones and "Andrew’s Blues." |
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—Jeffrey Morgan May 2004 |
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Photos: CREEM Photo Archive
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